[Oof. Uh. How does he bring up Harque without crying?]
...Harque was supposed to become the next Moon Master. It's— it's something important for where I'm from, basically. [In short terms.] But he couldn't use one half of the required magic, while I could, even as a child.
Because it was so important to my family for him to get this position, they worked him half to death. Twelve-hour long days, a rigid schedule, yelling their heads off if he so much as visited me. They always thought he was inadequate and that... that, I don't know, turning every day of his life into a living hell was going to fix their perceptions of him.
I was the "unwanted child". Apparently I was always the reason Harque never "did anything right" or whatever they were always on about. We're thirteen years apart — I was five when he died. My parents never took care of me, so he tried to, but he'd get shouted at when he did.
Well then, Harque discovered time magic — totally out of scope for what he was supposed to be doing, but impressive enough to earn him the title of Master. Or so you'd think, except some cult called Henir's Order came in and assassinated him for it.
So. Because of my parents, I didn't really get to know my brother all that well, and because of the Order, I'll never get the chance to.
[It's... probably obvious by now why Noah took Mafuyu's words so hard.]
( mafuyu tries... very hard not to think about how her grades have become her mother's top concern. how she's been encouraged to slowly drop friendships one by one, to focus on studies instead of helping others. how tutoring detracts from her own efforts.
and then her entire thought process scrambles because holy shit, noah's older brother was murdered- she's.
how do you react to that? like. genuinely. it's... horrifying to think about. she can't imagine having lived it. she doesn't want to.
... and in her attempts to defend a situation she was, frankly, miserable in, she made him relive it.
[And he's going to skip over the whole... doppelganger, years of human experimentation, memory issues, et cetera. Let's just not talk about that! Noah's supposed to be helping her, not the other way around.]
But that's my point — your parents shouldn't treat you like a vehicle for their hopes and dreams. Parents are supposed to have their own dreams, and if they didn't follow them, that's their fault. You're supposed to have your own, too, and not have them be overwritten by your parents.
( you're supposed to have your own dreams, and not have them be overwritten by your parents. for the first time in her life, something clicks. and when she speaks, her voice wavers. )
... That... is what happened, isn't it? I wanted- I wanted to be a nurse and that wasn't good enough for them...
[Noah sets his pumpkin down, and then steals hers away too for a moment to move it safely to the ground. Then, he leans in for a side-hug, awkward but meaningful all the same. It feels like the correct thing to do.]
Yeah, that's... what I mean. You should follow your dreams. Don't give up on them.
( no her physical support- yes mafuyu does fall forward a little and almost hits the table it's propped on. it might be funny if she wasn't about to cry. if the first hug, however awkward and not entirely a hug it may be, she's gotten in years didn't break the dam completely.
hiding her face in her hands, her shoulders hitch in quiet sobs. )
( mafuyu listens, takes everything in- the comforting touch she hasn't felt in so long, his words... why is it that she's only getting these explicit comforts and reassurances in this hell?
when she tries to speak, nothing comes out. so for a little bit, she'll just cling to noah and cry.
even if she thinks she kind of hates that, actually? )
( maybe it would have but a bitch is still touch-starved and being fed. ... and has been awakened to the fact that she needs hugs. you will be giving her more. this is not optional.
eventually, those painful sobs die down to quiet hiccups, and her throat hurts again. her head, too. her eyes always sting after crying... people say that crying helps release the pain, that you'll feel better afterwards. she's not sure if she believes it. )
... Do you think your brother could have escaped that life...?
He wanted the best for me, [Noah backpedals,] and to him, maybe that was through becoming a Master.
Or maybe, he just wanted to become a Master to escape. Masters are supposed to cut ties with their families, from what I'm told. He might have seen that as a way out, but I don't... I don't know.
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amuze2022-10-05 07:15 pm
no subject
[Oof. Uh. How does he bring up Harque without crying?]
...Harque was supposed to become the next Moon Master. It's— it's something important for where I'm from, basically. [In short terms.] But he couldn't use one half of the required magic, while I could, even as a child.
Because it was so important to my family for him to get this position, they worked him half to death. Twelve-hour long days, a rigid schedule, yelling their heads off if he so much as visited me. They always thought he was inadequate and that... that, I don't know, turning every day of his life into a living hell was going to fix their perceptions of him.
I was the "unwanted child". Apparently I was always the reason Harque never "did anything right" or whatever they were always on about. We're thirteen years apart — I was five when he died. My parents never took care of me, so he tried to, but he'd get shouted at when he did.
Well then, Harque discovered time magic — totally out of scope for what he was supposed to be doing, but impressive enough to earn him the title of Master. Or so you'd think, except some cult called Henir's Order came in and assassinated him for it.
So. Because of my parents, I didn't really get to know my brother all that well, and because of the Order, I'll never get the chance to.
[It's... probably obvious by now why Noah took Mafuyu's words so hard.]
no subject
and then her entire thought process scrambles because holy shit, noah's older brother was murdered- she's.
how do you react to that? like. genuinely. it's... horrifying to think about. she can't imagine having lived it. she doesn't want to.
... and in her attempts to defend a situation she was, frankly, miserable in, she made him relive it.
she's not sure she can look at him right now. )
... I'm sorry.
no subject
[And he's going to skip over the whole... doppelganger, years of human experimentation, memory issues, et cetera. Let's just not talk about that! Noah's supposed to be helping her, not the other way around.]
But that's my point — your parents shouldn't treat you like a vehicle for their hopes and dreams. Parents are supposed to have their own dreams, and if they didn't follow them, that's their fault. You're supposed to have your own, too, and not have them be overwritten by your parents.
no subject
... That... is what happened, isn't it? I wanted- I wanted to be a nurse and that wasn't good enough for them...
( why is her vision blurring...? )
no subject
Yeah, that's... what I mean. You should follow your dreams. Don't give up on them.
no subject
hiding her face in her hands, her shoulders hitch in quiet sobs. )
I- I don't know what I want a-anymore...
no subject
You don't have to know right now! They say life is a journey, and that Fate takes you where you need to go. I just...
I just think you don't need to follow someone else's dreams. That's all.
no subject
when she tries to speak, nothing comes out. so for a little bit, she'll just cling to noah and cry.
even if she thinks she kind of hates that, actually? )
no subject
Honestly, he doesn't mind. He used to be
still kind of isa crybaby. Like, throw that toxic masculinity shit out, this man cries all the time.Maybe it would've been better if he gave her a real hug, and not a weird side hug, though.]
no subject
eventually, those painful sobs die down to quiet hiccups, and her throat hurts again. her head, too. her eyes always sting after crying... people say that crying helps release the pain, that you'll feel better afterwards. she's not sure if she believes it. )
... Do you think your brother could have escaped that life...?
no subject
[Er— uh—]
He wanted the best for me, [Noah backpedals,] and to him, maybe that was through becoming a Master.
Or maybe, he just wanted to become a Master to escape. Masters are supposed to cut ties with their families, from what I'm told. He might have seen that as a way out, but I don't... I don't know.
no subject
( this is something even she can see, just from how noah talks about him. )
... You don't have to know. I don't know why I asked.
( yes she does. but she doesn't know if she'll believe any answer if she asks, 'do you think i can escape'. )