( mafuyu knows there's something in the lake. she knows there's something in the water in it'z quite the large world, too- that maybe they're connected and it might be her fault. so she sits by the water, waiting sometimes. in case something happens.
but she isn't fast enough for noah. she can't get to him (can't find him, later) before she realizes...
except he's there the next day. immediately, mafuyu runs for him, gently touching his arm- he's real. )
Noah- ( no honorific, no ebalon- she flounders uselessly for a moment before looking up at him. ) I... I couldn't find you after you went in... are you...
[He'd thought no one saw. That's why no one tried to save him, not that he'd want someone to. He has the Moonstone, after all, and Noah's always been the sacrificing sort. The Moonstone had failed, but he's back now, and he's... not given much thought to it.
Something about an agreement whispered in his ear when he woke.
He definitely died, though. Twice, technically, if he wants to think about it that hard.]
Sorry that you had to see that, [he whispers, and then, cheerfully:] I'm okay! I came back, didn't I?
( he died because she was too slow to save him and he's the one apologizing. somehow, after the start of the month, that is enough to bring tears to her eyes that she can't rid herself of quickly enough. )
No. No... don't be. I'm sorry I couldn't get to you.
Noah catches the tears in her eyes and can't bring himself to look at her anymore, and so he glances elsewhere. Off in the distance, where rides spin and rotate and where he can distantly hear people screaming despite the fact so few people are actually here.
But, because he's currently a catboy, that means his emotions are more transparent than he'd like them to be. Tiger ears flattened against his head, tail lowered and still. There's no getting out of this by slipping on his usual mask, even if he wants to.]
If you tried to save me, you would've died, too. So don't sweat it.
( mafuyu finally glances up at the movement and jolts, eyes wide. ... were those... always...
does dying turn you into a catboy?
no. she's not doing this right now. even she knows there's a time and a place and this is neither. inhaling, mafuyu looks down again and gently reaches out for noah's hand. she runs cold, so it's probably a little startling, but. it seems fitting, after the mirror house. )
... How are you feeling?
( not that she'd understand. but. she has to try, doesn't she? )
[The Moonstone worked but it didn't go back far enough and he died, and there's the sensation of water filling his lungs still when he tries to breathe, and he's so skeeved over the black hands dragging him under that Mafuyu's mere touch makes him jump.
No. No, he's not "fine", but like with everything else, he'll pretend he is. It's easier that way, isn't it?]
[Noah mutters, looking off into the distance with glassy eyes, like half of him isn't really here at the moment.
He thinks back to when he was some stupid kid. Closed-off, scared, couldn't sleep at night, could barely even make friends... if he didn't befriend people, it was easier on his trauma-addled brain at the time.
Part of him feels like it's easier now, too, to just shut down. Shut everything out. He can't hurt people if he doesn't get close to them. Or so the him of three years ago would've said, huh?]
I'm scared of what will happen if I'm not. [He says, quietly, unbidden, before his brain can catch up with his mouth.]
( mafuyu looks up at him. there's... a part of her that understands. she can't stand the idea of not wearing her mask at school or home. that not being okay for others is a crime of some sort. and yet, watching noah fear that sort of thing- to try and hide the hurt, like she'd done so many years ago before there was nothing but hurt-
...
reaching out like this- she feels clumsy and awkward, unable to even comprehend what noah needs, let alone from her. but she can't just sit here either. )
People tell me that... that even the things that hurt are important, and part of healing.
No, no, I was a... I was a pretty violent, temperamental kid. I don't want to fall into that cycle again, you know? I'd rather just ignore the stuff that bothers me. It'll go away.
[...you can tell he's Clamor's son when—
But, really, Noah doesn't want to go back to that extremely torn-up kid who couldn't keep his emotions straight, who couldn't sleep at night and never thought he'd be happy. Nevermind all the PTSD and stuff he still has, the nightmares don't have to exist if he doesn't acknowledge that they do. That's how mental health works :)]
( ... she's pretty sure ena would yell at her for that, actually. but... )
... I used to tell myself that. And the more I did... the more bits of myself I let fall away because I thought time would fix it. But it didn't.
I won't tell you to act a way you don't like. But... I don't think that's something you have to worry about. Clamor-san is here. And... I don't want to let you do that to yourself either.
[He scratches the back of his head, looking more agitated now, somehow. It helps to have someone tell him it's okay. Even if he doesn't really want to think about it.]
...I have this thing. From Harque. It's a moonstone, and it's enchanted so that... if I were to die, ever, the timeline would rewind and I'd be alive again. [This tag will not touch on how Harque was a little unhinged.] It... worked, but it didn't take me back far enough. It just rewound time by a few seconds, and I was still underwater, and it didn't... uh.
...it didn't... rewind time again. So. I guess I'm a little freaked out by drowning twice in a row. Technically. And the fact that the moonstone didn't work.
( that's a normal and rational thing to give to your little brother, yeah. makes perfect sense to her.
but... she absolutely can see why that'd be so rattling. drowning once is bad enough, she's sure- but twice?
... how many times has noah died, and known it...? )
I won't say I understand, because I don't. I can't. ... But I can see why you would feel that way.
( mafuyu pauses, visibly trying to work through what she wants to say- this is hard. she's already bad at feelings, she doesn't know how to comfort others... but what can be said about this sort of thing? )
[Technically his death count is only like... 4 in his lifetime so far. Until I do what I did to him in Yogen and then—]
It's... ["Okay", but it's not, and she'd probably be mad at him if he said it was. Noah awkwardly casts his gaze skyward, then down at the ground, at the tips of his shoes. Pristine and showing no signs of hands having dragged him under, no water damage, nothing. It's like he didn't even die at all.] ...I'm used to dying. Kind of. So don't worry about me.
I mean, without the second chances Harque granted me, I would've died at fifteen and never gotten to see the world, or meet Clamor, or... even be here, really.
[Which is not entirely the point, but Noah's deflecting. Of course he is.]
At least I still get somewhat of a second chance here. I don't know what brought me back, but it wasn't the moonstone.
It's not that I'm not grateful that you're here. ... That's the opposite, I think. But I don't like that you had to hurt like that.
( the two can coexist. but... she's not used to being able to clearly tell she does or doesn't like something. or... gratefulness. that's new, too. or at least unfamiliar. but... hm. )
... I hope we don't have to find out what the hard way.
But... hey. We know we come back when we die now, but that always happens to me. You, though, and everyone else? Don't you dare go dying. Okay? I'll be mad if you do.
Thanks. Let's... let's try to make it out of here in one piece. Or, if we have to, live the rest of our lives here in peace? ...I'd kind of prefer to go home, though.
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amuze2022-10-05 07:15 pm
★ The Tower
but she isn't fast enough for noah. she can't get to him (can't find him, later) before she realizes...
except he's there the next day. immediately, mafuyu runs for him, gently touching his arm- he's real. )
Noah- ( no honorific, no ebalon- she flounders uselessly for a moment before looking up at him. ) I... I couldn't find you after you went in... are you...
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Oh.
[He'd thought no one saw. That's why no one tried to save him, not that he'd want someone to. He has the Moonstone, after all, and Noah's always been the sacrificing sort. The Moonstone had failed, but he's back now, and he's... not given much thought to it.
Something about an agreement whispered in his ear when he woke.
He definitely died, though. Twice, technically, if he wants to think about it that hard.]
Sorry that you had to see that, [he whispers, and then, cheerfully:] I'm okay! I came back, didn't I?
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No. No... don't be. I'm sorry I couldn't get to you.
( but he's right. he...
he came back. )
... You did. Are you okay...?
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[Well, yeah, but also—
Noah catches the tears in her eyes and can't bring himself to look at her anymore, and so he glances elsewhere. Off in the distance, where rides spin and rotate and where he can distantly hear people screaming despite the fact so few people are actually here.
But, because he's currently a catboy, that means his emotions are more transparent than he'd like them to be. Tiger ears flattened against his head, tail lowered and still. There's no getting out of this by slipping on his usual mask, even if he wants to.]
If you tried to save me, you would've died, too. So don't sweat it.
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does dying turn you into a catboy?
no. she's not doing this right now. even she knows there's a time and a place and this is neither. inhaling, mafuyu looks down again and gently reaches out for noah's hand. she runs cold, so it's probably a little startling, but. it seems fitting, after the mirror house. )
... How are you feeling?
( not that she'd understand. but. she has to try, doesn't she? )
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[The Moonstone worked but it didn't go back far enough and he died, and there's the sensation of water filling his lungs still when he tries to breathe, and he's so skeeved over the black hands dragging him under that Mafuyu's mere touch makes him jump.
No. No, he's not "fine", but like with everything else, he'll pretend he is. It's easier that way, isn't it?]
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but he still insists...
mafuyu stares for a moment, and with perhaps the strongest bit of genuine her he's likely seen, she speaks. )
It's okay if you aren't. You don't have to be. You shouldn't force yourself to be.
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[Noah mutters, looking off into the distance with glassy eyes, like half of him isn't really here at the moment.
He thinks back to when he was some stupid kid. Closed-off, scared, couldn't sleep at night, could barely even make friends... if he didn't befriend people, it was easier on his trauma-addled brain at the time.
Part of him feels like it's easier now, too, to just shut down. Shut everything out. He can't hurt people if he doesn't get close to them. Or so the him of three years ago would've said, huh?]
I'm scared of what will happen if I'm not. [He says, quietly, unbidden, before his brain can catch up with his mouth.]
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...
reaching out like this- she feels clumsy and awkward, unable to even comprehend what noah needs, let alone from her. but she can't just sit here either. )
People tell me that... that even the things that hurt are important, and part of healing.
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[...you can tell he's Clamor's son when—
But, really, Noah doesn't want to go back to that extremely torn-up kid who couldn't keep his emotions straight, who couldn't sleep at night and never thought he'd be happy. Nevermind all the PTSD and stuff he still has, the nightmares don't have to exist if he doesn't acknowledge that they do. That's how mental health works :)]
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( ... she's pretty sure ena would yell at her for that, actually. but... )
... I used to tell myself that. And the more I did... the more bits of myself I let fall away because I thought time would fix it. But it didn't.
I won't tell you to act a way you don't like. But... I don't think that's something you have to worry about. Clamor-san is here. And... I don't want to let you do that to yourself either.
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[He scratches the back of his head, looking more agitated now, somehow. It helps to have someone tell him it's okay. Even if he doesn't really want to think about it.]
...I have this thing. From Harque. It's a moonstone, and it's enchanted so that... if I were to die, ever, the timeline would rewind and I'd be alive again. [This tag will not touch on how Harque was a little unhinged.] It... worked, but it didn't take me back far enough. It just rewound time by a few seconds, and I was still underwater, and it didn't... uh.
...it didn't... rewind time again. So. I guess I'm a little freaked out by drowning twice in a row. Technically. And the fact that the moonstone didn't work.
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but... she absolutely can see why that'd be so rattling. drowning once is bad enough, she's sure- but twice?
... how many times has noah died, and known it...? )
I won't say I understand, because I don't. I can't. ... But I can see why you would feel that way.
( mafuyu pauses, visibly trying to work through what she wants to say- this is hard. she's already bad at feelings, she doesn't know how to comfort others... but what can be said about this sort of thing? )
... I'm sorry.
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It's... ["Okay", but it's not, and she'd probably be mad at him if he said it was. Noah awkwardly casts his gaze skyward, then down at the ground, at the tips of his shoes. Pristine and showing no signs of hands having dragged him under, no water damage, nothing. It's like he didn't even die at all.] ...I'm used to dying. Kind of. So don't worry about me.
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( even she knows that.
she's... glad he's alive with them. that he's come back enough times for her to meet him, even if she hates where. but hearing that hurts. )
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[Which is not entirely the point, but Noah's deflecting. Of course he is.]
At least I still get somewhat of a second chance here. I don't know what brought me back, but it wasn't the moonstone.
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( the two can coexist. but... she's not used to being able to clearly tell she does or doesn't like something. or... gratefulness. that's new, too. or at least unfamiliar. but... hm. )
... I hope we don't have to find out what the hard way.
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[But knowing Noah's track record, it'll happen anyway.]
But... hey. We know we come back when we die now, but that always happens to me. You, though, and everyone else? Don't you dare go dying. Okay? I'll be mad if you do.
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( or she'll try, anyways.
not a promise she thought she'd ever make, honestly. but for kanade and noah... )
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